So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I woke up under a house in Key West
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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