even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
