But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
