I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
