This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
