got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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