I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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