Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
