Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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