Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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