he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
