yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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