Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
