I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
