Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize