I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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