Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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