drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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