she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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