His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
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