Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize