Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
