using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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