Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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