..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
