He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
