i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
