I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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