I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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