Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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