I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
