moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
