You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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