I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
