I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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