You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
