Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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