using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
