i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
