That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
