So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
