did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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