So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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