hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
