i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I didn't notice because vodka
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
