i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
