I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
