I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
