i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize