I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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