Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
