Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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