apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
