Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
