i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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