You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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