yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I am spending my child support on dildos
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The air was thick with penises
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
