you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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