loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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