If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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