2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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