on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
