he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We smell like vodka and hangover
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