is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
