we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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