I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
