I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
