You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I need water and some morals
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
