How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
